My writing has been continuous, but challenging. I haven’t been posting, and I apologize for that. It’s on the never-ending list of things I need to improve, but it hasn’t been a priority.
Things around me, family and medical junk, have been the most important since December. It’s getting worse instead of better. I can’t talk about most of it, can’t write it, and can’t… deal with it. That’s why I just haven’t been posting. I hate telling what’s going on with the folks close to me, as it’s their stuff not mine. BUT, it AFFECTS ME, and it’s stressful. And, it hurts. It’s terrifying and nagging and I can’t DO anything to make it better or make it go away. I can’t hide from it, as it’s right here in the same place as me. Sigh.
Today is a tough one for me, in many ways. I almost died a few years ago, on this date, and a few times in the week afterward. It still shakes me at least on this date each year. I have lingering (diagnosed) PTSD from this event, as well as from some other things in my life. I may seem more “normal” to folks who I see all the time, but, reality is I may never truly “just get over it” to any of the trauma. My body and mind remember. I find ways to deal, or to push through the emotions and sources of hurt. However, when you almost die, you can be grateful for making it through, and you can also wonder WHY? – to all of it. Especially when the life afterwards is mixed with some ups and a whole lot more downs.
I’ve been writing, but it’s not as much as I would like. I have two main projects. One is the epic, one is a series of stories (which are chapters, but making them each a story within a series seems more consumable in the publishing format I’m using). It stretches my imagination, which is good for me lately.
I’m knitting a few things, too. I’m doing a mystery knit-a-long for the first time ever. I’m showing pictures with other participants showing my progress and asking for help when I struggle. All these are new things for me. Including the type of item we are making, some of the stitches and techniques are new for me, too. I’m not used to working on a time schedule, either. I’m learning a LOT. In just over a week, I was ready to chuck my project because I was screwing it up so badly, then, a few days ago, I “got” it. I’m well on my way with the second segment, and, though not perfect, it isn’t looking too badly. I hope to have a nice gift for my niece’s birthday in October, which is reasonable since the project wraps up in September.
Also, I’m working on an art project thing within a free course. I watched and read the first of ten lessons. It’s a self-paced, perpetual type thing. Part of me thinks this is the worst time, ever, to take on a new project. However, I haven’t been making art, or diving deep into my imagination with visual media in a while. An artist at heart my whole life, I can tell when I’m not nurturing this part of myself and when it requires attention.
As such, it’s time for me to give this part of my being a little love. I’m making some notes, taking some snaps with my phone, and plan to dive deeper into the course after a few UGH real life, really challenging medical and family things… at least get wrangled or scheduled… or, something… so I can feel it’s okay to take a bit extra time to be creative and get messy with paint, chalks, clay, etc.